I did the tradition family Christmas yesterday, watching my niece and nephews get far too much given to them (at last count my neice had ?400 in cash as well as assorted other gifts), before all gathering around to watch rubbish on TV and eating far too much.

Sitting through the Queen’s Speech for what must be the first time in over a decade (shame on me), I was shocked and horrified by the experience. It’s my understanding that we pay this woman for two things. First to do a little speech on the opening of parliament where someone else tells her what they plan to do and secondly to give us all a nice speech on Christmas Day, crack some jokes and cheer us all up.

But no, I was wrong. Not only is this woman so lazy that she’s still in bed or something on Christmas Day and doesn’t do it live but, as I watched yesterday, she cheated! Half of the so-called ‘speech’ was archive footage of some charity volunteers, the Queen wasn’t even there holding the camera or anything.

I think she should start being paid on productivity related pay, she’d be in for a huge pay cut next year. I say get Peter Kay to do it next year.